Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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