I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
