1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
