I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
