and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
