i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
