What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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