I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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