The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i barfeds in our rink
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
