No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
