no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
