You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
