I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
