Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
