Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
