Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
