Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
