I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
