Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
