I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
