I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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