if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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