Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
