I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
operation have a gay friend backfired
my being single is dangerous.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
