Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
