You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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