when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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