i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
