My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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