I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
