walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
