I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
