Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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