No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
