I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
