if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
