It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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