anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
