So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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