Plan B is the new Plan A
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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