Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
