Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
