Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
