I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
