so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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