I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you had me at cake vodka
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
