If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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