Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
