Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Found the puke drawer
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think your dad took our porno
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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