Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
